Monday, December 15, 2008
Success
Hey guys, its Connor, some of the things Mr. Lazarow said in class today caught my attention. When discussing the American Dream, the topic of society, parents especially, imposing a view of success on children. He said something about parents and society in general imposing a view of success on kids, and parents saying that they must pass the bar set by their parents. To me it sounded as if he viewed this with an extremely negative connotation. My question is, is it really bad for a parent to want their kids to have a better life than they did? Is a parent's intent good and genuine or is it another competition in the eyes of the parent? I personally do not see how something like that is rooted in fear or jealousy. I think that these standards and the motivation they provide is not done out of competition. Is it a bad thing for a parent to want success for their child? Is it bad that our parents want us to have better lives and pushing us to achieve that? There are definitely cases in which this pressure has had negative effects on kids and they were pushed to the edge. Maybe the intentions of most parents are good, but the practices of some are wrong. I think that I am beginning to lose what I am trying to say as I write more and more. My root question is, is it bad that our parents impose their own definition of success on us? What do you think?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
Here, Connor, I don't necessarily think it's an issue of "good" or "bad". It really depends on how the imposition is made on the child. There's a difference between a parent wanting his child to have a better life than him and a parent imposing a definition on his child. The latter is impossible. I think the potential danger occurs when the parents try to impose definitions of success on their child(ren). As we know from our study of LiTaA, no two people can hold the same exact definition, so it seems very unlikely that a child could ever completely fulfill a parent's definition of success. If that is the expectation, both the parent and the child could be left with feelings of frustration, anger, and disappointment when the child fails to live out the parent's definition.
In relation to DoaS, I think this is what Willy and Biff were struggling with. Willy had a particular definition of success that he wanted Biff to live out, and when Biff failed to do so, Willy was disappointed and frustrated with his son. Biff couldn't live out his father's dream, though, because that's not how he was "wired". He was not made to be in an office all day. Biff was much more content with himself when he finally accepted his own definition of success. Also, notice that, although Hap genuinely tried to fulfill his father's definition, he couldn't, either, and was not content with his life.
Emily T.
I find there to be a problem with an imposed definition of success when the motivation for doing so stems from self-interest. If parents want for their child to succeed ONLY so that they may continue the tradition of a clean family name, then something is obviously wrong.
My parents want me to reach above and beyond because they suffered to become what they have become. They want all of the work they have done (have we come to a definition for "work" yet?) to benefit my brother and me. Likewise, they hope that my children will further their own successes in society.
Now, if my parents wanted me to do well solely for the purpose of rubbing it in the faces of their fellow Moorestonians.. my parents would need "help". But that is not the case; and for that, I am thankful.
There have been times (a.k.a. now) that I have questioned exactly what I want. Sometimes I want to be like my parents. Sometimes I want to travel North when they choose to go South, figuratively speaking, of course (actual travelling is always done together in the Maliha family). I've told my parents that in a few years, I want to plop myself down on a couch and say, "Wow, I've done so much." They understand this request and do aid me in acheiving what I aspire to do; yet there are conditions.
What I'm trying to say is that parents have the right to impose a definition, yet it is our right to decide whether we use it or discard it. But what happens when defiance is established? Do parents have the right to counter attack? Isn't that usually viewed as morally incorrect? So many questions..!
(Sam Maliha)
This matter kind of boils down to the argument between the parents' defense of "we know what is best for you" and the child's defense of "i want to be independent" etcetc. Each one depends on the other to form his/her own definition of what success is. So are parents "imposing" their views on their children or are the kids just rebelling against their parents' suggestion (in the end, isn't it all just a suggestion? no one can just blindly follow their parents' path through life. there is always a choice, be it subconscious or conscious) just for the sake of rebelling?
If you consider the theory that there are limited resources (a modified mercantilist theory, if you will. the money supply especially with our reliance on fiat money is unlimited in theory but our supply of commodities is limited by nature.), everyone must compete in order to survive. To survive means to succeed. Where animals inherit the traits of "successful" parents (back to the evolution/genetics theory that the "fittest" will have the most children and spread their success to said offspring), we inherit the expectations, encouragements (and discouragements) etc of our parents along with our natural instincts/traits. We need (and want) to succeed, and parents attempt to provide us with the tools to do so.
So, is it honestly that bad if it is for our own good? Of course there is a line between encouragement and downright forcing a career/major/college/whatever upon someone, but in the end, parents usually respond to what the child wants.
In the long run, we all have goals. In the short run, however, we may not want to stay on track (but still want to achieve the goal in the end. procrastination, anyone? you still want to good grade, but you don't quite feel like doing the work). I suppose parents motivating (or nagging) us to keep on pursuing our dreams could be construed as "imposing their own definition of success on us" (Connor).
In the end, however, who gets the better end of the deal? For the most part, we do. (unless you parents really want that bumper sticker that says "Harvard" or whatever on it)
Post a Comment